A Bit of Random Angst
by Lavender Mansworth
Summary: For lack of better title. Pretty self explanatory. SiriusBella. An angsty tidbit.


A/N: Hey hey hey! I know it's been forever since I've posted anything, please forgive me, but guess whay? I'm BACK! Woo-hoo! Well, as most of us know, I have absolutely _no _life, and thus spend my time writing angsty Sirius/Bella one-shots…yeah, here's another. Not my best, written on the bus going to a field trip that ended up being surrounded by anti-war protesters, and then the power was down and we were late, etc. etc. Well, here you go, my next great suicidal-Bella fic!

She lay on the ground, bleeding, dying. And he didn't know what to do. He had always been there for her to help her up when she was in danger on falling, to her when she stumbled. But now, when the blood was draining from her body, he couldn't do anything.

Her face grew paler as the puddle of blood around her spread across the floor, trickling along the fissures dividing the tiles of the bathroom floor. Her violet eyes were closed, and if one could not see the wounds, the blood, she would look nearly peaceful. But he knew better. She was never calmed. Inside her mind, there was always a madhouse of thoughts, notions, intentions…regrets. He would tell everything that went on inside her mind, that's how well he knew her.

But now, as her life was washing away, he felt their connection weakening. Because he couldn't understand. He couldn't understand her! Her life! Anything! It was so complicated, and you'd think he was used to it, but he wasn't. He could never fully comprehend her, no matter how many times she told him, no matter how many times he pretended to agree, he could never relate to anything she thought. How he hated having to pretend!

A cold wave of rage swept through his body, though he didn't know why. Maybe it was because he wished she just could have been normal. Both of them. Maybe it was because he should have identified with her while he had the chance. Or maybe just because of the confusion that constantly racked his brain, searching for reason. He wasn't sure. All he knew was that suddenly he wished that he could have been the one to do this to her.

But she had done it herself. She had wanted this! Every bit of it!

"And she deserved it!" he thought, "She deserved the whole god damned thing!"

He shouted in this inexplicable wrath, and aimed a kick at her nearly-dead body, but before he couldn't connect, her eyes shot open. He gasped and jumped back, startled. She was supposed to be dead! Why wasn't she dead? She gasped and choked, knowing she hadn't much time left.

"Sirius, I-please," she stuttered, trying to put a full thought together in her ever darkening mind, "please…forgive me."

It was the last thing he would have expected from her. Bellatrix Lestrange ask for forgiveness? Impossible! But it was happening right before his eyes. She closed hers and continued with her ragged breathing. Although her amethyst eyes were not visible, he could see them. He could picture them as they had been a moment ago: so frightened, regretful, sorrowful. Things she had never showed before. IT scared him, knowing that Bella was scared. If she had lost her strength, than he had too.

He felt weak and powerless. And he did the only thing he could begin to devise. He fell to the floor; his knees spattering the crimson pool that surrounded her and let the tears fall rapidly from his eyes. The tears he had been holding in, hoping that it would somehow give her the vigor of life. They splashed onto her face, and it looked as though she was shedding those tears. He wiped them away with his thumb, knowing that Bella wouldn't have cried.

"Bella I love you," he said shakily, his thumb resting on her pallid cheek, "I love you dammit, I love you!"

He shouted these last words with all the remaining force left in his body, as though saying them could bring her back. As though telling her this once how he felt could heal her body and give her strength. Buy he knew it wouldn't.

Then she spoke, in her last precious gasps of air, " I love you too, Sirius."

She reached out and grabbed his hand, and he was tempted to snatch it out of her cold grasp, not wanting to feel the life leaching from her body, but he didn't and wrapped his fingers around her hand.

He could have sworn that in those last instants, he saw a smile playing on her lips. But then it was gone, and she was still.

Suddenly, he felt her hand go limp, and her body relax. Knowing what was about to come, he reached down and, capturing her still-scarlet lips, stole her last breath with a kiss.

A/N: Ooh, don't you just love that last line, or rather, what happens in that last line? Yeah, that's about the only part I like about it. Like I said, or actually I don't think I did mention this, but anyways, it was a sort of challenge by my friend Beq, so yeah, it's not the greatest thing. But oh well, tell me what _you _think! Review, review, review! Ciao!


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